U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
