ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
