Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
