yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
