You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
