Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
