Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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