God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
