I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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