420 ftw
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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