as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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