Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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