"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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