I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
