You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
