it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
