dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
