Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
