Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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