I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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