I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
