Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
