If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you had me at cake vodka
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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