the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
