But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Randomize
