i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
