dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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