He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize