The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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