she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
