I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
