Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
