I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
