She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
