Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
