Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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