I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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