Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
