xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
