She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
