During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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