so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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