Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
