You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize