Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
