did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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