So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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