Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
