I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
