So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm having to shit out rocks
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
