Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize