i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
