I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
