You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize