His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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