careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There's always time for handjobs
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
