That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
