It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
