when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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