i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
