This is not my ceiling
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize