blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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