I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
40s are totally the cure
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
