Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize