Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
