Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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