We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
