I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
