I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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